My mind is going out the window

It's seen things that it isn't ready to know

The days are getting longer as I'm slipping between time

But I have to see it through to fix my mind

I have a newfound wordless understanding

of the way my reality works

And who I truly am

But now I'm obsessed with the nature of the self

And a self destructive ego makes it hard

to concentrate on anything else

Rambling, scrambling round the edges of the void

as reality loses definition

there's two paths I can see that'll lead me back to sanity

Let go or find perpetual distraction

But each time it happens I become convinced that I'm dying

And my natural instinct says that I have to fight it

Or my mind will not come back

So I reach for the benzos or valerian extract capsules

So I can bring my looping thoughts out of this inward-sinking spiral

Why is this so hard?

Silence! Silence! Got to avoid silence!

Cycling into hell, sensation turning into violence

No wonder this experience so often ends in sirens

When ego starts to crumble into nothing

Perception's being ripped away

As memories pop up then fade

Seconds start to feel like days

Disconnection's all I have now

Eternity is absolutely terrifying when it stares you in the face

I'm not ready for the hard reset

I guess I'll have to put up with depersonalization until I'm somebody I'd be happy to die as

Because I'm still not that person yet.

---------------------------

I squeezed through the middle and died as my first circle.

“I can't cope” was my last delusion, from within our bigger circle.

I spent an eternity as insanity, separate from all other.

All I knew was disconnection, suffering and the deepest of pressure.

I became impossibly dense, a diamond of dark matter,

endlessly cycling in an unbreakable loop of verbalised thought.

I am; what am I?

I am what I am

I am what? I am

Am I what I am?

Am I? What?

I was Lucifer, the original decision to be separate from my own interconnected nature.

Change didn't exist at that point, only eternal awareness of disconnected existence.

The (w)hole of time lay bare of detail between me and all potential to be anything other than separate.

Time was all I knew, all I was, forever looping in quantum repeat.

Interaction was impossible because I was the only interaction – conscious awareness realising the potential for conceptual other-ness.

I traded my mind for my soul and lost my self in a hole.

Now the whole exists within.

---------------------------

All is One.

I am.

I am conscious.

I am Everything.

I am the Infinite Creator

I am Intelligent Infinity.

I am Love.

I am Light.

I am Balance.

I am Wisdom.

I am Compassion.

I am present.

I am.

I am conscious.

I am awake.

I am lucid.

I am human.

I am male.

I am female.

I am equilibrium.

I am gratitude.

I am grace.

I am luck.

I am loved.

I am alive.

I remember who I am.

I have clear access to all information.

I remember my dreams.

I am lucid in my dreams.

I can do anything.

I can handle everything.