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Next Poem

There's a Difference Between Growing Up and Suppression

There's a difference between growing up and suppression

And for me, this is a recently realized confession

Since puberty I've known that my chosen profession

Is one riddled with debt, disappointment, depression

And you know what? It scared me, so I tried to listen

I tried on more than one occasion to plug into the system

I tried to care about money and the comfort it brings

I tried to fill up the void with physical things

If I couldn't eat or smoke or snort it

Then I'd inevitably just get bored and hoard it

But that's not how happiness works

And that's how I originally became an asshole


The distance between who you are and the person you've become

Is the distance between you and peace and the sense that we're all one

We feel alone when we are not ourselves

Every day waking into the life of somebody else


This shit can happen on so many levels

Life as someone you're not IS gonna make you mental

You retreat into your head cuz “nobody understands”

Then however many years later there's a noose in your hand

This gap in one's psyche, that unfillable hole

Is what gives addiction and obsession their gravitational pull

But because society says we must conform or die

We'll do anything we can to legitimise the lie


Take for instance the homophobic lad's lad

Brought up to support Rangers football club just like his dad

He's secretly bisexual, which he sees as a fetish

He feels disgust the second his gay porn wanks finish

His urges grow over time, so he drinks to distract

And one night at the club, he gives in and goes back

With a pretty, petite 18 year old guy back to his flat

And proceeds to have the best sex he's ever had

But this goes against the identity that he's built for himself

After cumming, his ego slams his mind back into hell

“I'm no faggot!” the manly man suddenly yells

He beats the shit out the wee guy now he lives in a cell


The distance between who you are and the person you've become

Is the distance between you and peace and the sense that we're all one

We feel alone when we are not ourselves

Every day waking into the life of somebody else


Now let's move onto something a little less dramatic

Imagine a jaded hipster girl who has just discovered acid

Her mind is now open to the wonders of psychedelics

But she never has a chance to fully explore it

Because she meets a boy, the kindest she's ever met

He finds his happiness volunteering in a soup kitchen

He's seen what drugs do, and how they can destroy people

His school never spoke of the difference between the tab and the needle

His reaction when she spoke of her first ever trip

Is enough to convince her that if she tries to pursue it

She'd be doomed to survive without the love of her life

So she stops trying to find answers on the inside


She settles into routine and squeezes out 2 kids

Who lose interest in her when they get their first tablets

She soon finds herself right back at the start

Forced to confront her true nature and that gap in her heart

She smothers the kids with love, concern and direction

But what they call “psycho” she calls “affection”

It gets to a point she feels her mind is collapsing

Her psychiatrist prescribes her a little something for anxiety

It numbs the pain, but also seems to numb the happy

But at least she can remain a functional member of society


Now maybe she lives out the rest of her days

Never fully understanding herself

Maybe she has a psychotic break

And finds herself by going through hell

Maybe you don't relate to the people

In the stories that I tell

But I hope you understand because

It's probably happening to you as well

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